I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize