Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
