I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
