i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
