Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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