i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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