just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
