im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
