Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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