anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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