i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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