he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
