i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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