I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
