Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
