Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
