i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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