Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
