dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
