I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize