I puked a lego.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hippo gnu deer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
