first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
