how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
