We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
