the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
