Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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