um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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