She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
