Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
