I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A bitchslap is in order.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
