dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
