you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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