The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
