she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
