somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
