I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize