I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
