I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
where are my eyebrows?
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