life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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