Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
