did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
