I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i would punch a child for taco bell
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize