Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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