I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
