I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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