So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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