just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
