Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
