i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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