Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
its liver damage thursday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
