I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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