i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
