im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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