That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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