drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
