Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
