Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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