C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
