i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
