You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
