I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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