we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
