you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
